Extra funny business from Friday as well as the weekend today. Don’t say I never gave you anything…
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31836977/ns/travel-news/?GT1=43001
I’m all about anyone who can take revenge on a corporation for lousy customer service. This guy did it in country music format. In itself, that’s torture enough.
Hell, just break down this guy’s claim to the company:
1) He saw your employees do it. So did someone in the seat behind him.
2) 3 of your other employees were told WHILE IT WAS HAPPENING and ignored it.
3) The item was taken immediately to the desk after landing and retrieval.
Now, where’s his song about technical support guys in foreign countries with incredibly gentrified names who can’t speak without a script?
http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/31848258/ns/sports-olympic_sports/
Michael Phelps had to drop out of a race due to a sore neck. I guess all that feigned hanging your head over doing bong shots does take its toll after awhile…
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31852963/ns/health-behavior/
I don’t know if I believe this study, but it says that swearing has a painkilling effect. I’ve been saying that for years, but I just got my mouth washed out with soap.
Unfortunately, it’s still another painkiller my Mormon friends can’t use . . .
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31888534/ns/us_news-life/
Des Moines may finally get around to appealing an old law forbidding dancing late at night. That’s right: finally it will be safe for Kevin Bacon to visit Iowa.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/07/13/sears.tower.ledge/index.html
Vertigo suffers need not apply: Check out the new enclosed “sky ledges” at the Sears Tower. Skip ahead to photo 3 and we’ll play “Caption This” with it. Leave a comment below and we’ll see what we can come up with.
My entry: “Little did Maggie know that there was a slot near the entrance that drops the bottom of the cage for a quarter.”
Bonus entry: “Skydiving for those afraid of parachutes.”
http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/07/13/line.standers/index.html
Alright, this one is just LAME. Lobbyists are paying homeless people to hold their places in line for hearings. So it’s conceivable that one of these guys could be the guy who holds the seat for a lobbyist who convinces Congress to stop providing the funding to his homeless shelter and stops providing the payments that support the VA hospital who gives him his meds. This isn’t even really funny, it just pisses me off.
He who has the ability, the drive, and the funding can lock out all the rest…
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/14/arts/television/14arts-SEACRESTSTAY_BRF.html?_r=1
Alright, I lied. THIS is ten times lamer than the lobbyist thing. Seriously, how much money do you have to throw at the most inane, worthless show on television to “keep the magic going?”
It makes me like Randy Jackson if for no other reason than he’s not being unreasonable and keeping his trap shut while being happy doing what he’s doing.
To complain, call 1-866-FOX-BITES, or text in your vote to FOXBITES. Voting also available on Twitter by going @FOXBITES/GETALIFEANDSTOPUSINGTWITTERYOUTWIT.
http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-10285281-71.html
Alright, back to funny. A girl has fallen down a manhole because she was too busy sending a text message to watch where her dumb ass was going. Remember kids, if you can’t walk and chew gum, there’s no way in HELL you should be walking and texting at the same time.
OMG, U R DUM. Send to all.
Back with more tomorrow, then off to Indianapolis for a week.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009: Human Fondue and the Turtle Revolution
Funny is our business and business is in a recession!
http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/thehumancondition/archive/2009/07/08/can-booze-cure-men-s-fashion-phobia-upscale-mensware-stores-across-the-country-hope-spirts-boost-sales.aspx
Best. Idea. Ever. An upscale men’s department store in NYC has decided to get men over their “shopping phobias” by giving away free booze to browse their trousers. I just don’t see the sign that says “You Puke on It, You Buy It.”
Can’t wait for the images of a mob of drunk guys fighting over shoes. That’s when you know it’s time to visit an AA meeting or ten...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31803370/ns/travel-news/?GT1=43001
And the Great Animal Revolution continues. After yesterday’s report about the badger halting traffic in Germany, a gang of miscreant turtles has interrupted service at JFK International Airport in New York. Evidently, they were incensed over the extra fees associated with checking a shell that didn’t fit the overhead bins.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/07/09/new.jersey.chocolate.death/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
Once again, literalism is NOT for the weak-minded. A man has suffered death by chocolate after falling into a vat of everyone’s favorite emotional connection substitute at work. Really, it’s just a recipe violation. They weren’t supposed to be adding nuts at that point...
This definitely goes on the list of “Things That Seem Like a Good Idea But in Reality Would Just Kill You.” I mean, even if he hadn’t hit the agitator, he probably would be burned over 90% of his body. Chocolate is normally a solid at room temperature, and during the mixing process it’s probably INCREDIBLY FRICKIN’ HOT. We’re not talking James Brown’s Celebrity Hot Tub hot, we’re talking “donating whatever’s left of your body to science afterward” hot. I mean, you could possibly get away with Hershey’s Syrup, but even then you can’t expect it to be like water. You might just sink like a rock.
I put it up there with the Theory of Uncle Scrooge’s Money Bin. Yes, it would be awesome to swim in money, but the physics aren’t on your side. You’d just end up at the bottom crushed to death in a giant mound of pennies.
Actually, I think these should just be saved under another list, “Ways to Kill Spies When I Become a Bond Villain.”
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31827905/ns/travel-seasonal/
Vengeance will be ours: According to a survey of 4500 hotel owners, French tourists are the worst in the world. It’s a bad day when we’re being outdone by the French in any category featuring a lack of manners. I blame the recession. Someone needs to get a few travel contests out there so we can get our most unruly and disrespectful back on the road.
Or we can just send them anybody from any show that begins with “The Real Housewives of…” That ought to put the rankings back in order.
USA, USA, USA!
And a final observation from TV land: is there something out there to watch in summer that will make me giggle like a four year old after a bag of Pixie Stix?
If you can watch "I Survived a Japanese Game Show" without laughing at the games, the contestants, or yourself for laughing at either, you are a hard-hearted human being. Or a prick. Or some combination of both.
I still can't get over last night's parting shot of big ol' Bobaloo skipping off into the sunset, big green alien leotard on (deely-boppers on his head, no less) with a big pink stuffed panda under his arm. If that's not the most demented hero shot you'll ever see in your life, someone took a LOT of drugs to make whatever you saw happen...
Check out the ABC website for full episodes to see what I mean. Between that and Wipeout, America has a nonstop source of humiliation as entertainment. And I couldn't be happier...
http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/thehumancondition/archive/2009/07/08/can-booze-cure-men-s-fashion-phobia-upscale-mensware-stores-across-the-country-hope-spirts-boost-sales.aspx
Best. Idea. Ever. An upscale men’s department store in NYC has decided to get men over their “shopping phobias” by giving away free booze to browse their trousers. I just don’t see the sign that says “You Puke on It, You Buy It.”
Can’t wait for the images of a mob of drunk guys fighting over shoes. That’s when you know it’s time to visit an AA meeting or ten...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31803370/ns/travel-news/?GT1=43001
And the Great Animal Revolution continues. After yesterday’s report about the badger halting traffic in Germany, a gang of miscreant turtles has interrupted service at JFK International Airport in New York. Evidently, they were incensed over the extra fees associated with checking a shell that didn’t fit the overhead bins.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/07/09/new.jersey.chocolate.death/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
Once again, literalism is NOT for the weak-minded. A man has suffered death by chocolate after falling into a vat of everyone’s favorite emotional connection substitute at work. Really, it’s just a recipe violation. They weren’t supposed to be adding nuts at that point...
This definitely goes on the list of “Things That Seem Like a Good Idea But in Reality Would Just Kill You.” I mean, even if he hadn’t hit the agitator, he probably would be burned over 90% of his body. Chocolate is normally a solid at room temperature, and during the mixing process it’s probably INCREDIBLY FRICKIN’ HOT. We’re not talking James Brown’s Celebrity Hot Tub hot, we’re talking “donating whatever’s left of your body to science afterward” hot. I mean, you could possibly get away with Hershey’s Syrup, but even then you can’t expect it to be like water. You might just sink like a rock.
I put it up there with the Theory of Uncle Scrooge’s Money Bin. Yes, it would be awesome to swim in money, but the physics aren’t on your side. You’d just end up at the bottom crushed to death in a giant mound of pennies.
Actually, I think these should just be saved under another list, “Ways to Kill Spies When I Become a Bond Villain.”
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31827905/ns/travel-seasonal/
Vengeance will be ours: According to a survey of 4500 hotel owners, French tourists are the worst in the world. It’s a bad day when we’re being outdone by the French in any category featuring a lack of manners. I blame the recession. Someone needs to get a few travel contests out there so we can get our most unruly and disrespectful back on the road.
Or we can just send them anybody from any show that begins with “The Real Housewives of…” That ought to put the rankings back in order.
USA, USA, USA!
And a final observation from TV land: is there something out there to watch in summer that will make me giggle like a four year old after a bag of Pixie Stix?
If you can watch "I Survived a Japanese Game Show" without laughing at the games, the contestants, or yourself for laughing at either, you are a hard-hearted human being. Or a prick. Or some combination of both.
I still can't get over last night's parting shot of big ol' Bobaloo skipping off into the sunset, big green alien leotard on (deely-boppers on his head, no less) with a big pink stuffed panda under his arm. If that's not the most demented hero shot you'll ever see in your life, someone took a LOT of drugs to make whatever you saw happen...
Check out the ABC website for full episodes to see what I mean. Between that and Wipeout, America has a nonstop source of humiliation as entertainment. And I couldn't be happier...
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009: Post Jackson Funeral Humor Recession
No, folks, I didn’t forget about you over the 4th weekend. It’s just with losing my cable for an evening and with nothing but MJ coverage on TV and the internet, what was there to say? You need more business than that to get down to the funny business.
One thing I didn’t see in any of it, though: “And now a loving tribute to Michael from his father, Joe Jackson.”
Bonus shout out to Time magazine for also joining in my chorus against him plugging his record label after the death of his son.
This poor guy. A man pulled over for speeding and wearing a t-shirt and a towel was forced in his (not surprisingly) drunken stupor to tell a police officer that he lost his pants. Somebody should remind this guy that in strip poker, you don’t give away the big money items first…
This one from the foreign press: A drunk badger stopped traffic in Goslar, Germany. It got drunk on overripe cherries and plopped down in the middle of the road. When an officer confronted the badger, the badger called him “Sugartits” and blamed the Jews.
Slow, sarcastic applause for a Mel Gibson joke two years too late…
British scientists claim to have made viable sperm from stem cells. Really? All the applications for this stuff and the first place we go is sperm? How did that pitch meeting go? “You know, we could knock out this horrible stuff like Parkinson’s or Lou Gehrig’s disease, but why don’t we just make sure we have a backup plan for if our boys start swimming in circles first?”
Evidently making more sick people is more important than keeping the ones we already have alive.
In the weirdest news item I saw today, Jose Canseco was offering up himself as a date to an after-party to a celebrity boxing match. At least you know even though the guy’s slept around a lot, he’s been thoroughly tested…
Well, we all know that after the steroids he couldn’t nut up and just get a date through moxie…. Hey, wouldn’t be a Steroids Era ballplayer story without a “shriveled” joke like that.
And as for news you can use, scientists are starting to use urine to create hydrogen to be used in fuel cells. Man, wouldn’t that help reverse my position on car trips. I usually don’t drink anything before I leave so I don’t have to pee. Now I’d be sucking down a 32 ounce drink every time I stopped to “refuel.”
And they’re predicting 90 miles a gallon! I see iced tea pumps replacing gas pumps if they ever make it practical…
Speaking of, road trip next week, so look for a few more dailies before I head up to the great state of Indiana for a wedding.
One thing I didn’t see in any of it, though: “And now a loving tribute to Michael from his father, Joe Jackson.”
Bonus shout out to Time magazine for also joining in my chorus against him plugging his record label after the death of his son.
This poor guy. A man pulled over for speeding and wearing a t-shirt and a towel was forced in his (not surprisingly) drunken stupor to tell a police officer that he lost his pants. Somebody should remind this guy that in strip poker, you don’t give away the big money items first…
This one from the foreign press: A drunk badger stopped traffic in Goslar, Germany. It got drunk on overripe cherries and plopped down in the middle of the road. When an officer confronted the badger, the badger called him “Sugartits” and blamed the Jews.
Slow, sarcastic applause for a Mel Gibson joke two years too late…
British scientists claim to have made viable sperm from stem cells. Really? All the applications for this stuff and the first place we go is sperm? How did that pitch meeting go? “You know, we could knock out this horrible stuff like Parkinson’s or Lou Gehrig’s disease, but why don’t we just make sure we have a backup plan for if our boys start swimming in circles first?”
Evidently making more sick people is more important than keeping the ones we already have alive.
In the weirdest news item I saw today, Jose Canseco was offering up himself as a date to an after-party to a celebrity boxing match. At least you know even though the guy’s slept around a lot, he’s been thoroughly tested…
Well, we all know that after the steroids he couldn’t nut up and just get a date through moxie…. Hey, wouldn’t be a Steroids Era ballplayer story without a “shriveled” joke like that.
And as for news you can use, scientists are starting to use urine to create hydrogen to be used in fuel cells. Man, wouldn’t that help reverse my position on car trips. I usually don’t drink anything before I leave so I don’t have to pee. Now I’d be sucking down a 32 ounce drink every time I stopped to “refuel.”
And they’re predicting 90 miles a gallon! I see iced tea pumps replacing gas pumps if they ever make it practical…
Speaking of, road trip next week, so look for a few more dailies before I head up to the great state of Indiana for a wedding.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009: Ready for the 4th
Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, and again I apologize in advance for the funny business.
Disco is giving back after all. Health associations are singing the praises of the Bee Gee’s “Staying Alive” as a great song to sing to yourself during CPR to keep a good rhythm on the chest compressions. This may be the one time that disco could actually prevent someone from taking their own life.
You know, counting the beat here, this is so much better than my suggestion of Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher…”
McDonald’s is going to start selling a $4 Angus beef hamburger. And here we were thinking nobody could come up with a way to get Mississippi off the Fattest State pedestal. Come on, Alabama! Let’s see some hustle! Give me 20 down to the Arches and back in your car!
Rumor mill wholesale supplier Lindsay Lohan turns 23 today. I don’t know where her party is being held, but I’ll bet the after-party is booked for the LA County Detention Center.
Please Lindsay, confine the bumper cars to Disneyland if at all possible.
Party pics will be available in 8x10, 9x12, and Mugshot.
And if you hear the Emergency Alert sirens tonight in LA, that is NOT a drill…
OK, take a break, time to reload after too many easy targets.
A Canadian Football League player displayed poor taste in doing a Michael Jackson touchdown dance during the Toronto Argos game. Seriously, how in the hell did he sneak a chimpanzee riding a llama under his uniform anyways?
If it were baseball, at least no one would have noticed him grabbing himself.
The Guinness Company is going to shoot the winner of their new contest into space. There’s also a neat second prize in which the company will take you to a special bar 229 feet under the sea in Norway. I have no idea why, though, they would also include a punishment in among the prizes: a live studio performance by the Black Eyed Peas. Couldn’t we have combined one and three, or two and three? The marketing line “Shoot the Black Eyed Peas into Space” surely would have garnered some sales…
I know it would have caused Perez Hilton to switch his brands for awhile…
One last celeb observation for the day. Angelina Jolie is currently earning $2 million a year more than Jennifer Aniston. Make that one more thing Jen wanted that Angie ended up on top of.
I had a friend of the Monoblog bring up that I didn’t talk about the girl who was rescued yesterday that didn’t get properly age-identified by several media sources several times. The reason is that bad reporting just isn’t that funny. The ability to get things out fast plays hell with accuracy. I’d say they should be ashamed of themselves, but it DID stop reporters from tripping over themselves to lunge in front of friends and relatives of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett for ten minutes.
It did not, however, stop Michael’s father from promoting his new record label at her press conference.
Observation for the Fourth of July: Fireworks are usually still legal in places where I like to celebrate the 4th. However, you always run into a peculiar situation around the time to set them off. By the time it gets dark enough, there are usually two groups fighting for the rights to the lighter: kids that are really too young to be playing with fire, and adults who have been drinking way too much to be handling fire.
I always say this one should be decided by which headline you’re most comfortable with:
“Young Area Child Blows Fingers Off with Fireworks”
or “Drunk Dumbass Blows Off Hand with Fireworks.”
Think there’s a clear winner on that one. Have a Happy 4th and for God’s sake, light the fuse and RUN AWAY!
Disco is giving back after all. Health associations are singing the praises of the Bee Gee’s “Staying Alive” as a great song to sing to yourself during CPR to keep a good rhythm on the chest compressions. This may be the one time that disco could actually prevent someone from taking their own life.
You know, counting the beat here, this is so much better than my suggestion of Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher…”
McDonald’s is going to start selling a $4 Angus beef hamburger. And here we were thinking nobody could come up with a way to get Mississippi off the Fattest State pedestal. Come on, Alabama! Let’s see some hustle! Give me 20 down to the Arches and back in your car!
Rumor mill wholesale supplier Lindsay Lohan turns 23 today. I don’t know where her party is being held, but I’ll bet the after-party is booked for the LA County Detention Center.
Please Lindsay, confine the bumper cars to Disneyland if at all possible.
Party pics will be available in 8x10, 9x12, and Mugshot.
And if you hear the Emergency Alert sirens tonight in LA, that is NOT a drill…
OK, take a break, time to reload after too many easy targets.
A Canadian Football League player displayed poor taste in doing a Michael Jackson touchdown dance during the Toronto Argos game. Seriously, how in the hell did he sneak a chimpanzee riding a llama under his uniform anyways?
If it were baseball, at least no one would have noticed him grabbing himself.
The Guinness Company is going to shoot the winner of their new contest into space. There’s also a neat second prize in which the company will take you to a special bar 229 feet under the sea in Norway. I have no idea why, though, they would also include a punishment in among the prizes: a live studio performance by the Black Eyed Peas. Couldn’t we have combined one and three, or two and three? The marketing line “Shoot the Black Eyed Peas into Space” surely would have garnered some sales…
I know it would have caused Perez Hilton to switch his brands for awhile…
One last celeb observation for the day. Angelina Jolie is currently earning $2 million a year more than Jennifer Aniston. Make that one more thing Jen wanted that Angie ended up on top of.
I had a friend of the Monoblog bring up that I didn’t talk about the girl who was rescued yesterday that didn’t get properly age-identified by several media sources several times. The reason is that bad reporting just isn’t that funny. The ability to get things out fast plays hell with accuracy. I’d say they should be ashamed of themselves, but it DID stop reporters from tripping over themselves to lunge in front of friends and relatives of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett for ten minutes.
It did not, however, stop Michael’s father from promoting his new record label at her press conference.
Observation for the Fourth of July: Fireworks are usually still legal in places where I like to celebrate the 4th. However, you always run into a peculiar situation around the time to set them off. By the time it gets dark enough, there are usually two groups fighting for the rights to the lighter: kids that are really too young to be playing with fire, and adults who have been drinking way too much to be handling fire.
I always say this one should be decided by which headline you’re most comfortable with:
“Young Area Child Blows Fingers Off with Fireworks”
or “Drunk Dumbass Blows Off Hand with Fireworks.”
Think there’s a clear winner on that one. Have a Happy 4th and for God’s sake, light the fuse and RUN AWAY!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009: Opening Act
Happy first day of Monoblogging, folks, and again I apologize in advance for the funny business.
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin told Runner’s World Magazine that she believes she could beat President Barack Obama in a long-distance footrace. That doesn’t surprise me as she’s a regular runner. I just hope she doesn’t get cocky and try to carry an old man on her shoulders over the finish line like she did last year…
The yearly report on the fattest states in America came out today. The yearly Extra Holes Punched in the Belt . . . uh . . . Belt goes again to the good people of Mississippi, who celebrated with cake.
And pie.
And brownies. And then a nap.
I never thought I’d live to say it, but the 2008 elections are finally over. Comedian and SNL alum Al Franken will finally take his place as a US Senator after eight months of fighting over the Minnesota Senate seat with former Senator Norm Coleman. I still think it was a lot of effort to put forth for a live version of Rush Limbaugh is a Big, Fat Idiot.
While we’re on politicians, we have to discuss what’s going on with South Carolina governor Mark Sanford. He’s not only admitted to the affair with the Argentine television reporter, but he’s VOLUNTEERING information that he a number of other affairs. He’s obviously decided to take the anti-Clinton approach to a sex scandal. Instead of denying one affair, just trot out every one you can think of. Evidently the strategy is to put so many women out there for the press to interview and his opponents to talk about, they keel over from the effort.
We should seriously expect him to begin his resignation letter “Dear Penthouse.”
On a similarly smutty line, China has been trying to strong-arm Google into filtering out any possible pornographic content from its search results in the country. So let me get this straight: a nation that is slowly but surely becoming predominantly male is suddenly and totally cut off all internet nakedness. Well, I guess that’s going to drive the price of ice up about a thousand percent… There’s just no way that doesn’t end with riots and bloodshed.
We lost a lot of celebrities last week, and since today seems like kind of a slow day as far as funny things happening, I’ll run down some of those. Michael Jackson passed away at the age of 50, not that it’s any surprise that the word “young” would be associated with his death. What are the tabloids going to do now that the craziest person in the history of print media has passed away? There’s only so much that can be expected from Gary Busey… incidentally, Happy Birthday on Monday to Gary.
All the attention was not lost on MTV, who discovered that they had music videos in the vault that they hadn’t erased making The Hills.
Former Johnny Carson sidekick Ed McMahon also passed away. This isn’t really all that funny, I just want to know if they’re selling off his gold toilet from that Super Bowl commercial as part of the estate.
Seriously. Need that toilet.
The new iPhone 3G S came out last week and there were some reports that the new phone had a number of units with overheating batteries. First the money burns a hole in your pocket, then the phone.
At least you’ll always know that someone’s getting a call when you hear the high pitched screams of “IT BURNS! IT BURNS!”
In the world of sports, Wimbledon organizers admitted recently that they are putting the pairings of the more attractive members of the female bracket on Centre Court over more competitive matches. You laugh, but that Eva Mendes/Megan Fox matchup was some great tennis.
It was the only match of the day where the grunting from the men in the audience was louder than the players.
Finally today,we salute Bernie Madoff for an outstanding contribution to science: involuntarily becoming the first man to be kept alive against his will by any means necessary for the next 150 years. I'd say see you in hell, Bernie, but we'll probably beat you there.
Have a good evening everyone and I'll see you tomorrow.
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin told Runner’s World Magazine that she believes she could beat President Barack Obama in a long-distance footrace. That doesn’t surprise me as she’s a regular runner. I just hope she doesn’t get cocky and try to carry an old man on her shoulders over the finish line like she did last year…
The yearly report on the fattest states in America came out today. The yearly Extra Holes Punched in the Belt . . . uh . . . Belt goes again to the good people of Mississippi, who celebrated with cake.
And pie.
And brownies. And then a nap.
I never thought I’d live to say it, but the 2008 elections are finally over. Comedian and SNL alum Al Franken will finally take his place as a US Senator after eight months of fighting over the Minnesota Senate seat with former Senator Norm Coleman. I still think it was a lot of effort to put forth for a live version of Rush Limbaugh is a Big, Fat Idiot.
While we’re on politicians, we have to discuss what’s going on with South Carolina governor Mark Sanford. He’s not only admitted to the affair with the Argentine television reporter, but he’s VOLUNTEERING information that he a number of other affairs. He’s obviously decided to take the anti-Clinton approach to a sex scandal. Instead of denying one affair, just trot out every one you can think of. Evidently the strategy is to put so many women out there for the press to interview and his opponents to talk about, they keel over from the effort.
We should seriously expect him to begin his resignation letter “Dear Penthouse.”
On a similarly smutty line, China has been trying to strong-arm Google into filtering out any possible pornographic content from its search results in the country. So let me get this straight: a nation that is slowly but surely becoming predominantly male is suddenly and totally cut off all internet nakedness. Well, I guess that’s going to drive the price of ice up about a thousand percent… There’s just no way that doesn’t end with riots and bloodshed.
We lost a lot of celebrities last week, and since today seems like kind of a slow day as far as funny things happening, I’ll run down some of those. Michael Jackson passed away at the age of 50, not that it’s any surprise that the word “young” would be associated with his death. What are the tabloids going to do now that the craziest person in the history of print media has passed away? There’s only so much that can be expected from Gary Busey… incidentally, Happy Birthday on Monday to Gary.
All the attention was not lost on MTV, who discovered that they had music videos in the vault that they hadn’t erased making The Hills.
Former Johnny Carson sidekick Ed McMahon also passed away. This isn’t really all that funny, I just want to know if they’re selling off his gold toilet from that Super Bowl commercial as part of the estate.
Seriously. Need that toilet.
The new iPhone 3G S came out last week and there were some reports that the new phone had a number of units with overheating batteries. First the money burns a hole in your pocket, then the phone.
At least you’ll always know that someone’s getting a call when you hear the high pitched screams of “IT BURNS! IT BURNS!”
In the world of sports, Wimbledon organizers admitted recently that they are putting the pairings of the more attractive members of the female bracket on Centre Court over more competitive matches. You laugh, but that Eva Mendes/Megan Fox matchup was some great tennis.
It was the only match of the day where the grunting from the men in the audience was louder than the players.
Finally today,we salute Bernie Madoff for an outstanding contribution to science: involuntarily becoming the first man to be kept alive against his will by any means necessary for the next 150 years. I'd say see you in hell, Bernie, but we'll probably beat you there.
Have a good evening everyone and I'll see you tomorrow.
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