No, folks, I didn’t forget about you over the 4th weekend. It’s just with losing my cable for an evening and with nothing but MJ coverage on TV and the internet, what was there to say? You need more business than that to get down to the funny business.
One thing I didn’t see in any of it, though: “And now a loving tribute to Michael from his father, Joe Jackson.”
Bonus shout out to Time magazine for also joining in my chorus against him plugging his record label after the death of his son.
This poor guy. A man pulled over for speeding and wearing a t-shirt and a towel was forced in his (not surprisingly) drunken stupor to tell a police officer that he lost his pants. Somebody should remind this guy that in strip poker, you don’t give away the big money items first…
This one from the foreign press: A drunk badger stopped traffic in Goslar, Germany. It got drunk on overripe cherries and plopped down in the middle of the road. When an officer confronted the badger, the badger called him “Sugartits” and blamed the Jews.
Slow, sarcastic applause for a Mel Gibson joke two years too late…
British scientists claim to have made viable sperm from stem cells. Really? All the applications for this stuff and the first place we go is sperm? How did that pitch meeting go? “You know, we could knock out this horrible stuff like Parkinson’s or Lou Gehrig’s disease, but why don’t we just make sure we have a backup plan for if our boys start swimming in circles first?”
Evidently making more sick people is more important than keeping the ones we already have alive.
In the weirdest news item I saw today, Jose Canseco was offering up himself as a date to an after-party to a celebrity boxing match. At least you know even though the guy’s slept around a lot, he’s been thoroughly tested…
Well, we all know that after the steroids he couldn’t nut up and just get a date through moxie…. Hey, wouldn’t be a Steroids Era ballplayer story without a “shriveled” joke like that.
And as for news you can use, scientists are starting to use urine to create hydrogen to be used in fuel cells. Man, wouldn’t that help reverse my position on car trips. I usually don’t drink anything before I leave so I don’t have to pee. Now I’d be sucking down a 32 ounce drink every time I stopped to “refuel.”
And they’re predicting 90 miles a gallon! I see iced tea pumps replacing gas pumps if they ever make it practical…
Speaking of, road trip next week, so look for a few more dailies before I head up to the great state of Indiana for a wedding.
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